Workin' Moms

Alright guys, I promised that I would do a "grab a glass of wine and let's talk about some real shit" post so here it is. I've got my glass of wine (it may or may not be my first), and I'm about to dive into some real shit. This blog post is coming to you on a Monday night rather than the Sunday that was promised, all thanks to- you guessed it: work.

Let me just start this post by saying this: I am a working mom. I love my work and I love being a mama. But this in NO WAY means that I think being a stay at home mama is not work. I stayed home with Dean for 4 weeks without working, and although I enjoyed those irreplaceable early days with my newborn, I know for a fact I don't have it in me to be a stay at home mom. This isn't because I think I'm better than anyone, it's because I am not mentally strong enough to handle it. Taking care of another human being all day, every day, is such selfless hard work and you have to truly know yourself and respect yourself on another level to do it. Stay at home mamas, I respect you more than you know.

With that being said, being a workin' mom is also hard work. It is extremely rewarding, but it is also exhausting and takes a different type of mental strength. Disclaimer for all of you: I only work 3 1/2 - 4 days a week. They are long, 10 hour days and most of the time I don't even schedule enough time to eat but I do spend about half of the week at home. Full time working moms, you are the SHIT. I literally don't know how you do it and if you have any magical wisdom please share it with me in the comments.

EDIT: I originally started this post as an attempt to give you guys insight on how I do it all. In reality, this weekend brought to light a very important point: I can't do it all. I definitely overbooked myself, overworked myself, and I definitely had a mental breakdown today. I debated on being this honest because I don't want it to come off as negative or complaining but the more I talk to my friends the more I realize that this is what most other women want: honesty. SO before I give you my pointers on how I usually do it all, know this: I have breakdowns. I feel overwhelmed. I struggle with anxiety. I rip my husband's head off for no good reason. I am human. We all are. Do not be fooled by the perfect picture that social media paints.

This post is in one way an appreciation post for all of my mama friends (and future mama friends) out there but I would also like to give you guys some pointers that I've picked up on along the way to make life run smoothly as I attempt to balance work and home.

 Here is some advice to any moms returning to work or having a hard time doing it all:

• Pick your battles wisely.
• It honestly blows my mind but I have been the most productive I've ever been since becoming a mother. I am naturally a HUGE procrastinator (sorry, Mom) and when it was just Blake and me I had all of the time in the world to cook, clean, work out, manage my business, etc. What happens when a procrastinator has all the time in the world? You guessed it, things rarely get done. Now that I have Dean I take every bit of spare time I get and use it wisely because I don't know when I will get another chance to do it. Would I rather sit on my phone and scroll Instagram? Yes. What do I want more than to scroll Instagram? A clean house. Meals that are ready to go. Text messages from clients answered. A toned body and the energy that comes from working out. Prioritizing is key. One of my favorite quotes is from Rachel Hollis, and I go to it whenever I feel like procrastinating. "Success is about choosing between what you want right now and what you want most." 

• Don't be afraid to ask for help.
• I am a very prideful person. I love to think of myself as independent, self sufficient, strong, and capable. I am all of those things, but I'm also a human being. Sometimes genuine life problems happen and sometimes I just need a break. I am not used to asking for help but it's something I've learned to do in order to keep my sanity. Sometimes I need a date night and ask mine or Blake's parents to babysit. Sometimes I need help from Blake doing the things around the house even though it's my turn. Being vulnerable and asking for help is okay. You don't have to be a bad bitch all of the time.

• Maintain a schedule.
• Soooo many people roll their eyes at this, but I don't care. Roll away, girlfriend. My child has slept through the night since he was 6 weeks old and I know exactly when he'll be hungry and exactly when he will need a nap during the day. I can take him anywhere, any time because of this schedule. If I have a second child and this type of method doesn't work then I will gladly call you and apologize for my ignorance, but I read a LOT of books and articles about the benefits of a schedule and even paid for an online class about it. This shit works. I will save all the details about that for another post, because I can preach about it allllll day. Set a schedule. Follow that shit. You're welcome.

• Fuck mom guilt.

• I'm gonna start by saying sorry for dropping the F-bomb, Mom. But I genuinely don't know how else to word it. Before becoming a mother I used to hear my mom friends talking about how they felt guilty for the most irrational stuff. I would think to myself, "Really? Why would you feel guilty about that?" Apologies are in order because now I completely understand. I second guess E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, dude! Everything. Why? I don't know. I want my child to have the best life possible and I assume that everything that I'm doing is going to damage him in some way. It's irrational, I'm aware, but we all do it. Did I just let him cry? He's going to feel abandoned. Did I just stop him from crying when he got bored? He's never going to learn to entertain himself. Did I just go to work? He's pretty much being raised by someone else and is going to forget me. Did I just stay home for 4 days straight? He's never going to have the life and things he deserves because his mom chose to only work 3 days a week. Do you see how irrational all of this is? It's a lose- lose thought process. Stop those thoughts in their tracks. I try my best not to entertain them any more. I am doing my best and that's all that matters. The reality is that a bad mom wouldn't care. I care. FUCK MOM GUILT.

• Girl. Gang.
• Honestly, this is possibly the most important point of all. Without my girl gang, I wouldn't be typing right now. They pushed me to start this blog, and I am so grateful. Having a good support system will make or break you. My friends are ride or die. They motivate me better than I could ever motivate myself, and I don't know who I would be without them. Any time I'm in a funk, need to get my creative juices flowin, or just need a break from the stresses of every day life, I call my friends. Having people that will support you, ground you, listen to you, relate to you, and love you is priceless. Find your girl gang. Love them hard. 

Okay I believe I've talked your ear off and if you've made it this far then I am truly grateful. If you guys would like a more schedule- type post let me know! Comment with any suggestions to help life run more smoothly if I've left anything major out, I welcome any advice I can get.

Lovelovelove,

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