Newborn Sleep & Nursery Tour

All About Newborn Sleep/ Nursery Tour

I will start this post with a disclaimer: I am in no way a sleep expert (obviously), and I do not think that any of the methods I'm about to talk about are the "right way" or the "only way" to do things. This is what has worked for my family, and I get so excited about this topic because it has made our life so easy. If any other method of sleep training (or no sleep training) has worked for you, great. I don't judge anyone who doesn't follow these methods, we're all just doing our best and what we think is best for our families.

I figured since we are talking about sleep this week I should also turn this into a nursery tour! Dean has slept in his nursery since he was 3 weeks old; that's early, I know, and I will explain that later. Some things are missing in this tour from when he was a newborn being that he is now almost 7 months old. A few items that we have stored away are the Dock a Tot, liners for the changing table (boy mom probs), and the Swaddle Me swaddles.

My fascination with getting a child to sleep through the night early on started when I found out that I was pregnant. As long as I can remember people have told me that once you have a baby you will be severely sleep deprived, but that it's worth it. It was made to seem as an inevitability that I wouldn't be able to escape. It was also something that women talked about as if it were a badge of honor. Most parents would seem to brag about the sleep deprivation. This scared the shit out of me. I am a 7 hours of sleep per night kinda girl. MINIMUM. There is no way that I could proudly announce to someone that "I don't sleep." The following steps are the order in which I did my research and applied it to our lifestyle, and I'm proud to say that for the most part I have gotten 8 hours of sleep per night since he was 6 weeks old.

1. One of my clients mentioned to me that she had read a book called Bringing Up Bebe, which talks about French parenting. The main point of the book is that the French, Parisians specifically, manage to have their babies sleeping through the night by 4 weeks old. If someone mentions that their month old baby isn't sleeping they ask "well, what's wrong with him?" That's right, a whole entire group of people are part of this normality where sleep deprivation with a newborn is practically unheard of. This blew my mind, and so my determination to have a similar situation began. 

• The most important thing that I took away from this book was "le pause." What I didn't know was that babies cry out in their sleep, even if they are not awake. It is part of their natural sleep cycle. French women tend to wait a couple of minutes before rushing to soothe their newborn. What do American women typically do? We immediately jump up at the first sign of distress and feed them. We automatically assume that they are hungry or need our comfort. The reality is that we end up creating a bad habit, excessive dependence, and do more harm than good. This book has so many intriguing outlooks on French culture vs. American culture when raising children and if this is even remotely interesting to you definitely give it a read or a listen. I tend to listen to books on Audible now instead of reading a hard copy because I don't have as much free time as I used to.

2. Babywise was the next stop on my research journey. I have always heard good things about this method so I downloaded it on Audible. This is how I learned the pattern throughout the day that new parents are supposed to follow in order to teach their newborn structure and to prepare them for overnight success. My mom used this with both my sister and me, and she said it gave her some decent guidance. 

• This book was a tremendous success for me in some ways and a disaster in others. I love that it taught me the pattern of wake, eat, play, sleep. This way Dean learned how to soothe himself to sleep without needing to be fed to sleep. The negative was that I took this book and its schedules literally. When he was first born I would consider myself failing if Dean didn't wake up exactly according to the Babywise sample schedules. I know now that it's impossible to follow a minute by minute schedule, and I wish I could have avoided that guilt from the beginning. Now, when I talk about a schedule, it's more about keeping consistent feeding and nap windows that are appropriate for their age. That being said, they do have some amazing tips for first time mamas. 

3. Pinterest research GALORE. I found so many great articles on Pinterest where mamas shared their tips on how they got their babies to distinguish day from night. Another fact that I didn't know before all of this research: sleep patterns are established in the womb. When our babes are in our tummies our constant movement during the daytime rocks them to sleep. When we finally lay down to sleep at night, they are awake and active. It makes so much sense that when they are born their internal clocks are backwards- this is all they have known! This article that I found on Pinterest was incredibly helpful and is very similar to what we ended up doing. 

• What I learned here is that babies love schedules. They like predictability. This means feeding them full meals at regular intervals, giving them naps at regular intervals, and giving them playtime and attention regularly. It is also essential that nap time is very different from bedtime at first. When he was a newborn we had Dean napping and hanging out in the living room during the day, blinds open, with the tv on. At night the lights were down, it was quiet, the sound machine was on, etc. This is one of the reasons that we moved him into his own room at 3 weeks old. He would go down for bed around 7:00 at night in the bassinet in our bedroom. Because it was so early we would watch tv, and we started to notice that the lights and sound from the tv, from us talking or even just turning over would wake him up. Moving him into his own room was a game changer. Now that he's older he takes his 3 naps in his nursery.

4. The fourth, last, and most important point of all of this is Taking Cara Babies. Ah, where do I begin? I did all of this research for 9 months. I read, read, and read. I was confident, I'm not going to lie. In all reality, nothing can prepare you for newborn life. It wasn't miserable, in fact it's still possibly my favorite stage of motherhood so far, but it wasn't as cut and dry as I thought it would be. Dean was not naturally a good sleeper. For the first two weeks (give or take) he woke up every two hours on the dot without fail. He had a great schedule, I did everything "right", and he still woke up every two hours to eat. He would eat and immediately go back to sleep but it was still hard. By the 5 week mark he was only waking up once a night to eat, which is great, I'm aware! Regardless of that quick progress I still couldn't get the damn French out of my head. I had seen several bloggers promoting the @TakingCaraBabies Instagram and just assumed that she had paid them to do so. One of them posted one day that she actually had paid for the class and that Cara refuses to give her class away for free to anyone because she wants everyone to know it's the real deal. That got my attention.

I linked her website at the beginning of this step, and if you are pregnant, have a baby, or plan on being pregnant in the near future do yourself a favor and read her blog. This is how my obsession with her started and I will forever be grateful. Like, if I see her in person I will hug her. I scoured her blog, which is free, and every tip that she gave I applied. Every tip helped. Because of the success that we had just from her blog tips I decided to finally pay for her class. That was the game changer. After watching her videos all day long and applying them to our schedule, Dean slept his first 10 hour stretch. That night. It was amazing! I know not everyone has this level of success right away, but we did and I am still so happy to report that he has not woken up for a meal since he was 6 weeks old.

• If I had to choose to only take away one thing from Cara's class it would be her method for soothing an overtired baby. It's impossible to describe in in writing, but basically she has you swaddle, bobble their head a little (to mimic the walking motion that they felt in the womb), use a sound machine or shush them, and use a pacificier. It sounds so simple but the way she has you do it works like magic. We thought Dean had colic until we took this class. I had no idea that babies being "over tired" was a thing, and that it caused them to cry and be inconsolable as if they had colic. All of his "colic" symptoms went away once we took her class.

***All natural baby products courtesy of @arbonne.with.roslyn, thank you Roslyn! Our little man has sensitive skin and any Johnson & Johnson products make him break out in a rash. We love Arbonne, Burts Bee's, and Honest. 

Honestly guys, I have so much more that I could say about this topic because of all of the research I've done and because it's such a process, but I think I've covered the basics. If you have any questions feel free to ask on here or Instagram! I can talk about it all day haha. Also, if you have any decor questions let me know and I'll be happy to let you know where everything is from! Most items are from Target or Home Goods. 

Before I end this, here's a little realness for you LOL. Our little man is such a good napper but he has major FOMO and gets sad when he knows he's about to nap. Sorry buddy! haha

As always, thank you SO MUCH for reading!

lovelovelove,

Tanner

The Ultimate Rose Gold Ponytail

Happy Monday! I'm not going to lie, I had absolutely no idea what today's post would be when I woke up but I am SO happy with how this turned out! 

I am absolutely obsessed with everything about Jessie James Decker. If you don't know who she is or don't follow her on Instagram do yourself a favor and follow her. She is so talented, gorgeous, an amazing mama, and has the best head of hair I've ever seen. She is everything goals. Anyway, her ponytails have always given me life so this is my version of her voluminous pony, but with a rose gold twist. 

This first step is optional, I just love to add extensions and a pop of color for fun!

1. The first thing I did was wash my hair and apply the Kristin Ess Rose Gold Temporary Tint in the shower. This only works on very blonde hair. If you have blonde pieces in your hair those will pick it up, but anything darker than a honey blonde will not pick it up. I followed the instructions on the back, and followed the steps she recommends if you want the color very pastel. I didn't want anything too dramatic. I then followed the same steps with 3 wefts of my clip- in extensions. I use the Barefoot Blonde Hair classic set in the shade Honey Butter. If you have thin hair and only want extensions for when you wear your hair up, they have a piece called Barefoot Blonde Up that is great for ponytails and buns. If you have short hair they have a set called Barefoot Blonde Fill-ins that are perfect for adding fullness to a shorter ponytail. 

2. Start off with a messy, full wave. I typically like to do this style on second or third day curls, the day before I decide to wash it again. If you don't know how to achieve a messy everyday wave, see my previous tutorial. If you aren't using clip in extensions, skip to step 5.

3. Section the hair, starting close to the neckline. This first weft I clip upside down, with the clips attached to the section above it. This helps disguise the clips when they are in the ponytail so they aren't sticking out. It can be kind of intimidating at first but once you try adjusting the clips a few times it gets easier. 

4. Section the hair into two more sections, keeping them as close to the middle of the head as possible. Since our pony will be in the center of our head that's where we want the length to be. When applying these wefts, just clip them in the way you normally would, clips facing down.

5. Section out the pieces around your face that you want to leave down. Clip them out of the way and gather the rest of the hair into a ponytail in the center of your head.

6. Release the front pieces. Go through and pull apart all of the hair at the crown, nape of the neck, and on the sides of your face. Try to loosen anything that is stuck to your head and create as much volume as possible. The messier, the better. Once you've loosened it up, grab the pony and tighten it to give it some lift. 

7. Spray the ponytail with your favorite texture spray or beach spray. I'm still loving this one from Kristin Ess. I also spray a little bit on the front pieces for some separation.

8. Add your favorite scarf or hair accessory! I love this one, I believe it is from Revive Tan & Spa in Tulare. They also have some at Cotton On or Forever 21. 

All done!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you would like to see! 

lovelovelove,

Tanner

Every Day Messy Waves

Hello, again! This week I decided to do a tutorial on my go-to messy waves. I love to do this at the beginning of the week on freshly washed hair. They usually last me a solid 3 days before I have to wash and style it again. This technique it makes it so that even when the curls are slept on and loosen, it looks like it's on purpose. I usually just wake up, brush it out with my fingers, add some dry shampoo and I'm good to go.  

1. Start with clean, dry hair. Apply an oil or heat protectant. If you are one of my clients, I've probably talked about how obsessed I am with Kristin Ess and her product line at Target. Don't get me wrong, I love my salon quality products, but these are an affordable option that smell amazing and work great. I apply her working serum on my ends and mid section.

2. Section the hair. As a general rule, all hair that frames the face is curled away from the face. I go in with a 1.25"  barrel, starting at the top of the strand and wrapping the hair down. I love to take an old curling iron and remove the handle. This way I can use it like a wand but the barrel is the same width all the way down, which keeps the curls from looking too tight and little-girlish. If you are better with a curling iron than a wand, that works too! Just make sure you aren't curling the ends. I typically curl 2 pieces away from the face, and then two pieces toward my face. If I alternate which direction the curls are going the result ends up being more messy and voluminous.

3. Once you've curled the bottom section, let down the middle section of hair and repeat. Do not separate the curls until the end. 

Tip: Try to hold the curling iron straight up and down.

4. Finally, remove the clip from the top section. Curl all of the hair on the top section away from the face. In my opinion this keeps it from looking too messy and it's just more flattering. I also like to take smaller pieces on the top section so that the curls are a little more defined. 

5. Spray the Kristin Ess Beach Wave Spray on the mid section and ends. This give the curls separation, texture, shine and it just smells amazing.

6. Separate the curls with your fingers! Done! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! If you have any questions or if I left anything out please let me know! Any other tutorial requests? Comment on here or on my instagram! 

lovelovelove, 

Tanner

Workin' Moms

Alright guys, I promised that I would do a "grab a glass of wine and let's talk about some real shit" post so here it is. I've got my glass of wine (it may or may not be my first), and I'm about to dive into some real shit. This blog post is coming to you on a Monday night rather than the Sunday that was promised, all thanks to- you guessed it: work.

Let me just start this post by saying this: I am a working mom. I love my work and I love being a mama. But this in NO WAY means that I think being a stay at home mama is not work. I stayed home with Dean for 4 weeks without working, and although I enjoyed those irreplaceable early days with my newborn, I know for a fact I don't have it in me to be a stay at home mom. This isn't because I think I'm better than anyone, it's because I am not mentally strong enough to handle it. Taking care of another human being all day, every day, is such selfless hard work and you have to truly know yourself and respect yourself on another level to do it. Stay at home mamas, I respect you more than you know.

With that being said, being a workin' mom is also hard work. It is extremely rewarding, but it is also exhausting and takes a different type of mental strength. Disclaimer for all of you: I only work 3 1/2 - 4 days a week. They are long, 10 hour days and most of the time I don't even schedule enough time to eat but I do spend about half of the week at home. Full time working moms, you are the SHIT. I literally don't know how you do it and if you have any magical wisdom please share it with me in the comments.

EDIT: I originally started this post as an attempt to give you guys insight on how I do it all. In reality, this weekend brought to light a very important point: I can't do it all. I definitely overbooked myself, overworked myself, and I definitely had a mental breakdown today. I debated on being this honest because I don't want it to come off as negative or complaining but the more I talk to my friends the more I realize that this is what most other women want: honesty. SO before I give you my pointers on how I usually do it all, know this: I have breakdowns. I feel overwhelmed. I struggle with anxiety. I rip my husband's head off for no good reason. I am human. We all are. Do not be fooled by the perfect picture that social media paints.

This post is in one way an appreciation post for all of my mama friends (and future mama friends) out there but I would also like to give you guys some pointers that I've picked up on along the way to make life run smoothly as I attempt to balance work and home.

 Here is some advice to any moms returning to work or having a hard time doing it all:

• Pick your battles wisely.
• It honestly blows my mind but I have been the most productive I've ever been since becoming a mother. I am naturally a HUGE procrastinator (sorry, Mom) and when it was just Blake and me I had all of the time in the world to cook, clean, work out, manage my business, etc. What happens when a procrastinator has all the time in the world? You guessed it, things rarely get done. Now that I have Dean I take every bit of spare time I get and use it wisely because I don't know when I will get another chance to do it. Would I rather sit on my phone and scroll Instagram? Yes. What do I want more than to scroll Instagram? A clean house. Meals that are ready to go. Text messages from clients answered. A toned body and the energy that comes from working out. Prioritizing is key. One of my favorite quotes is from Rachel Hollis, and I go to it whenever I feel like procrastinating. "Success is about choosing between what you want right now and what you want most." 

• Don't be afraid to ask for help.
• I am a very prideful person. I love to think of myself as independent, self sufficient, strong, and capable. I am all of those things, but I'm also a human being. Sometimes genuine life problems happen and sometimes I just need a break. I am not used to asking for help but it's something I've learned to do in order to keep my sanity. Sometimes I need a date night and ask mine or Blake's parents to babysit. Sometimes I need help from Blake doing the things around the house even though it's my turn. Being vulnerable and asking for help is okay. You don't have to be a bad bitch all of the time.

• Maintain a schedule.
• Soooo many people roll their eyes at this, but I don't care. Roll away, girlfriend. My child has slept through the night since he was 6 weeks old and I know exactly when he'll be hungry and exactly when he will need a nap during the day. I can take him anywhere, any time because of this schedule. If I have a second child and this type of method doesn't work then I will gladly call you and apologize for my ignorance, but I read a LOT of books and articles about the benefits of a schedule and even paid for an online class about it. This shit works. I will save all the details about that for another post, because I can preach about it allllll day. Set a schedule. Follow that shit. You're welcome.

• Fuck mom guilt.

• I'm gonna start by saying sorry for dropping the F-bomb, Mom. But I genuinely don't know how else to word it. Before becoming a mother I used to hear my mom friends talking about how they felt guilty for the most irrational stuff. I would think to myself, "Really? Why would you feel guilty about that?" Apologies are in order because now I completely understand. I second guess E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, dude! Everything. Why? I don't know. I want my child to have the best life possible and I assume that everything that I'm doing is going to damage him in some way. It's irrational, I'm aware, but we all do it. Did I just let him cry? He's going to feel abandoned. Did I just stop him from crying when he got bored? He's never going to learn to entertain himself. Did I just go to work? He's pretty much being raised by someone else and is going to forget me. Did I just stay home for 4 days straight? He's never going to have the life and things he deserves because his mom chose to only work 3 days a week. Do you see how irrational all of this is? It's a lose- lose thought process. Stop those thoughts in their tracks. I try my best not to entertain them any more. I am doing my best and that's all that matters. The reality is that a bad mom wouldn't care. I care. FUCK MOM GUILT.

• Girl. Gang.
• Honestly, this is possibly the most important point of all. Without my girl gang, I wouldn't be typing right now. They pushed me to start this blog, and I am so grateful. Having a good support system will make or break you. My friends are ride or die. They motivate me better than I could ever motivate myself, and I don't know who I would be without them. Any time I'm in a funk, need to get my creative juices flowin, or just need a break from the stresses of every day life, I call my friends. Having people that will support you, ground you, listen to you, relate to you, and love you is priceless. Find your girl gang. Love them hard. 

Okay I believe I've talked your ear off and if you've made it this far then I am truly grateful. If you guys would like a more schedule- type post let me know! Comment with any suggestions to help life run more smoothly if I've left anything major out, I welcome any advice I can get.

Lovelovelove,

Tanner