Housecleaning Mindset Hack for the Notorious Procrastinator

Hi friends! I’m back, finally. 

I’ve been struggling to find the motivation to write lately, but thanks to an uplifting podcast and a freshly cleaned home I suddenly got struck with a wave of creativity. As most people who have artistic tendencies know, creativity comes in waves or seasons. You’re either consumed by it or completely unmotivated. I’m still working on finding a steady, consistent, happy medium.  

Now that I’m back at it, I want to share a mindset shift that has increased my productivity and lessened my anxiety/depression.

I am a natural born procrastinator. The more necessary and important something is, the more I avoid it at all costs. Type A people: I am your worst nightmare. Just the thought of a task that either stresses me out or that I just plain don’t want to do literally sends me into a numb, shut down state that makes me want to run in the other direction. 

Out of necessity, as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at forcing myself to do the thing (whatever that thing may be) that I don’t want to do. It hasn’t been easy and I’m still working hard at strengthening my self discipline in several areas, but I can feel the hard work paying off. 

I fiercely believe that having honest conversations with ourselves about our weaknesses brings out humility and strength. Only when I stopped replying with “I know” to every piece of advice that was given to me did the true self improvement begin. 

Mamas, I know you can relate to me when I say that being quarantined for months has showed me that being at work all day prevents messes. Being home 24/7 means endless dishes, laundry, and clutter. The more time spent at home the more we have to clean. I don’t know about you guys, but when the house is a mess it makes me depressed, and I don’t have the luxury of succumbing to my depression these days. I have a little boy that needs a happy mama and an organized, clean environment to grow up in. 

I’m proud to say that, for the most part, my house has stayed clean. How, you ask? Simple:

+ The thought of how good it feels to have a clean house outweighs the thought of how bad it feels to look around and see a mess.

Simple, I know. But really think about it: how do you feel when you wake up, go into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and see a mess? Dishes are in the sink, crumbs are on the counter, and the Keurig is a mess. It sets the tone for a terrible day. 

Now, close your eyes and imagine the feeling you get when you wake up, walk into the kitchen and everything is sparkling clean. You have the Keurig loaded and ready to go. That is what I want to wake up to. That type of thought instantly gets me moving.

For those of you who are incredibly disciplined and mentally stable, you’re probably thinking “Isn’t that obvious?”

Yes. 

But for those of us who are anxious, kinda lazy, or just have a tendency to procrastinate, this mindset shift is everything. Now, every single time I need to vacuum, clean the kitchen, fold the laundry, or make the bed in the morning, I do it. Not because I know I should or because I hate the mess but because I take a second to actually close my eyes and envision how it will feel to have a clean home. There is so much power in focusing on the positive in a literal sense rather than the negative.

If we take this logic and apply it to everything in life, it will eliminate almost all of our problems. We are our own worst enemy and we owe it to ourselves to fight our toxic habits and create new ones. We owe it to ourselves to reach our potential. 

If this helps even one of you it will make me so happy.

And if you think from this post I’m insinuating that I have it all together, don’t worry. I’m still a shitshow. 

Remember, we’re all mad here. 

Xx

Tanner

Guilt by Glorification

If comparison is the thief of joy, then glorification is its greedy accomplice.

Join me in some quarantine- fueled musings, will you?

I, like almost everyone else on the planet right now, find myself with more free time than I've had since adolescence. However, when I used to say "I just need to sleep for, like, three weeks" this is not what I had in mind. Instead, my time off has been sabotaged by a subtle yet unyielding sense of anxiety that demands a piece of any potential relaxation. As I rack my brain trying to find the source of said anxiety, I keep coming back to the fact that I have a tendency to glorify the past.

I keep wondering, am I the only one with this tendency? No matter what my present situation may be, I always find a way to dilute its potential joy by remembering a time in my life that I deem as more pleasant. Examples:
 "My body was so much better in high school."
"I had so much more free time before I chose to have kids."

Not so long ago I broke down in tears telling my husband and God, "I just need a break."
If my request and prayer has been answered, then why do I feel compelled to reminisce on times when my schedule was packed with work and weekend plans? At first glance when I look back at the time before quarantine I remember routine, financial stability, socialization, physical fitness and presentation, and general happiness.

What I have come to realize is that isolation, financial uncertainty, and lack of necessary routine will make a busy lifestyle seem so much more appealing- even if at the time I felt almost painfully overwhelmed and exhausted.

Not only do I find myself craving the hustle and bustle of my not-so- distant past, but when I was living in the (aforementioned) past I found myself wishing I could return to the year before, when I was on maternity leave. I remember last month when I was working for the 6th day in a row at the salon, not being able to put my son to bed for the 6th night in a row and thinking "Why was I so miserable when I was a stay at home mom those first couple of months? I had it made. I took it for granted."

Flash forward to this month: chronic dissatisfaction as a result of glorifying my past.

The more I dissect this nasty habit and the role it's played in my life the more I recognize it as a familiar friend, a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's a voice that has the power to make me feel the need to change the present to the past, creating an unusual type of nostalgia for a version of myself that I worked very hard to change. Why do I continue to feed into this bullshit notion that I was happier before? Why don't I work harder to be joyful in the present moment instead?

This doesn't mean that I can magically forget the current worries and stressors that I'm facing and only feel joy. What I'm learning in this season is that every seemingly pleasant chapter of life that I've been through has the opposite of a silver lining- a dull lining, if you will.
My body may have been "better" in high school, but I was a young and insecure girl who ran 8 miles a day and had never created another human being.
I might have had more free time before having Dean, but I felt empty and constantly envied the mothers that I was around. I felt derived of my purpose. I spent my free time partying and working to fill that void.

There is always bad in the good, and there is always good in the bad. Realizing my tendency to feed the glorification monster has been like hitting myself across the face with a text book that says "WAKE THE F*** UP AND ENJOY THE MOMENT BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GLORIFY IT ONE DAY ANYWAY."

Someday, life will go back to normal. Someday, I'm going to look back at this time and think "Why was so depressed and anxious? Why didn't I enjoy it?" I'll be damned if I think those thoughts and my answer is "Because I wished I was working and socializing instead of relaxing and soaking up every precious second with my 18 month old that most people would kill to have to opportunity to go back and do with their child."

My prayer is that when I look back at the quarantine I think this:
"I was worried, anxious, and depressed at first because I was focusing on how everything was going to work out globally and financially. Thank God I realized my tendency to glorify my past, because it taught me how to be present. Yes, I was stressed, but I acknowledged that everything would be okay. We recovered. I was given time to refresh, slow down, organize, create, and spend time with my son that I NEVER would have had otherwise. That time to myself was a gift from God."

Thoughts?

xx
Tanner

Welcome to Madhouse Society

In the words of my soul sister/muse/forever inspiration, Carrie Bradshaw,

"I'm a writer."

I seem to have lost sight of that fact in the year that this blog was created. With print journalism dead and the blog scene going up in flames right behind it, I spent a lot of time scrambling and trying to keep up with the bloggers and influencers (ew I hate that word) that I wanted to emulate. What I've come to realize is this:
I don't want to have a blog where I show how perfect my life is and only talk about superficial things. I want to speak my mind, share my struggles, and offer some helpful life + beauty tips along the way.
If that makes this blog less appealing to the masses, so be it.
Rather than only doing super curated blog posts offering my knowledge on specific subjects, think of this as more of a column in a paper. My paper.
Yes, there will still be {elaborate} skincare routines and botox Q&A, but there will also be essays on my current thoughts and letters to my son.

I started off calling this blog "Becoming Tanner," and I am still so proud of what that means. I am always striving to become the best version of myself. I am always growing, learning, changing.

With that being said, I have decided to pivot and rebrand this bitch. I don't want this space to be about me. This space needs to be where likeminded people can come to feel beautiful and understood.

Welcome to Madhouse Society.
We're all mad here.

xx Tanner

Slouchy Denim: 4 Styling Tips

All of my fashion lovers, this one is for you.

I have been hesitant to do a post about styling despite it being something that I'm obsessed with, because I feel like personal style is just that: personal. I hate to say "this is right, and this is wrong" when there really is no definite "right" and "wrong" when it comes to style. It's just an opinion.

I decided that I'm just going to give you guys details about what I LOVE and how I figure out what I love. I love pairing certain fabrics with others, playing with which combinations are the most flattering for my body type, and just experimenting with what items I feel like express my personality.

Today's trend:
Baggy, slouchy denim.

I feel pretty strongly about what is best paired with baggy denim, so here are my tips!

Tip #1:

Always wear some type of heel.

When I say heel, I don't mean a straight up stiletto, although if it fits the occasion it would look SO good. It could be a heeled bootie, a low- heeled sandal, or even a platform Doc Marten. The important part is that we elongate the legs so that they don't get swallowed by the slouchiness of the jean. We want long and lean, not stubby. 

Tip #2

Tuck it in or tie a knot.

If you want to create a look that is more put together and still shows off your shape despite the loose bottoms, tuck your top in or tie it in a knot. The idea is to accentuate the waist and keep you from looking like a sack of potatoes. I, personally, prefer to wear a baggy pant that hits around my belly button because it's the most flattering (think hourglass.)  Or, your body type could benefit from something that hits at the hip bone or ribs, we are all different. 

Tip #3:

If you are going to go full baggy, make everything else chic.

Some days, the bloat is real. For the days I'm feeling kind of "bleh" but don't want to sacrifice being trendy, I'll do the double slouch. Sometimes, if I need a spray tan, I'll even throw a soft cardigan over my baggy shirt. If this is the look I'm rolling with, my RULE is that my hair has to be sleek, makeup clean, and shoes are chic. If I were to walk out of the house with my super relaxed clothes, a sneaker, and a messy bun I would look homeless- not stylish. I know that sounds harsh but I am hell bent on wearing something flattering. Whether it's down and straight, in a sleek low bun, down and curled, or in a sleek top knot, your hair will make this look. Adding some statement jewelry won't hurt, either! BOOM. You just went from bloated and homeless to street style chic. 

Tip #4:

When in doubt, Pinterest it out.

There are days when nothing seems to pair well, and I just can't seem to find my vibe. Enter, Pinterest. One quick search of the key words describing the clothing item that I want to incorporate (i.e. baggy denim) and I have instant inspiration. Street style is one of my absolute favorite style references. Model off duty is so effortless and is often an awesome example for how to pair certain pieces. Look up street style next time you're on Pinterest- you won't be disappointed. Sometimes my "rules" are broken and I freakin love it. Seeing others do it gives me the courage to try it myself. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this! If you'd like to see more styling posts in the future please let me know, this was SO satisfying and fun.

lovelovelove,

Tanner